When I first began studying Tantra a decade ago, I was intrigued (and honestly, a little annoyed) by the women at workshops who seemed capable of achieving highly aroused, ecstatic states with nothing more than the power of breath or movement. I remember watching one such woman breathing, sighing, shaking, and laughing – this look of almost childlike bliss on her face as orgasmic energy moved through her entire body.
I knew she had to be faking it. It was so far off out of my realm of understanding. And I mean, it was weird, right?
At least, that’s what I thought at the time. I now know, thank Goddess, that she was NOT faking it.
Like so many women, I spent most of my life unaware of the ecstasy that was lying dormant in my own body. I was a sexy woman, and yet I was shut down, unable to truly access my Shakti – my juice – my turn-on, and move it through my body. Sure I had orgasms, but they didn’t move beyond my genitals, and they sure as heck didn’t look like that woman in the workshop. But since I didn’t have anything to compare them to, I thought they were pretty okay.
But I knew there was more.
So I worked hard to heal and awaken my sexuality. Some of it was fun and pleasurable. Some of it was incredibly emotionally painful. I changed my drinking habits and I left situations that didn’t allow me to be fully alive. I practiced meditation, breath work, and moving my sexual energy up my body every single day. I made my pleasure a priority.
With consistent practice, it did not take long before I was able to access the kind of states I once believed were fake. And the most exciting thing is that I know my journey is only beginning! There is still so much to learn, awaken, and expand.
I am sharing my story because I want all women to know that no matter how shut down you may feel, you can heal sexually and expand your capacity for pleasure beyond what you imagine possible. Your body was made for it.
Yes, it does take work. Even if a woman has not come from trauma or abuse, we live in a sex negative culture that delivers shaming and wounding at every turn. It’s a mine field for both women and men! In order to embody the type of pleasure I am talking about, most of us will need to clear some limiting beliefs, emotional wounding, and learn to get in touch with our own body – especially that beautiful, sacred Yoni! It is indeed a journey! But we can all decide to heal, learn more about sacred sexuality, and even do hands-on work with a practitioner if we feel called. (And I do offer online coaching for women, and one on one sessions in Sedona if you are interested!)
Here’s two quick tips:
1. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. When you are sexually aroused, and even when you aren’t, practice taking a long, deep breath through the nose, and imagine pulling energy up from your Yoni all the way to your head as you do. Hold. Release. At first you may not feel anything. I sure didn’t. But with practice, you will!
2. Throw out all your old ideas about what the movement of sexual energy should look like. This was a major awakening for me when I actually began to embody my pleasure. No wonder I thought that woman at the workshop was weird! If someone unschooled in Tantra saw me shaking and moaning and doing all sorts of crazy breathing techniques naked in my living room, they might think I was having some kind of episode. Yeah, I’ll do some “weird” stuff with my partner in order to build my sexual energy. And to be in a comfortable enough space to do that, I also had to learn to love and accept my body.
It’s an amazing journey. It begins with knowing you are worth the work, worth the pleasure, and fully capable of being one of those weird women too. 😉
(If you’re interested in a taste of this work, make sure to sign up to join the free 7 Day Shakti over Chardonnay Jumpstart!)